Watching someone you love struggle with addiction can be one of the most fearful and devastating experiences. Whether you are new to this experience or have been watching someone struggle for years, there are a few things that you can do to help someone struggling with addiction and choose an addiction rehab program. For years, my family watched me struggle. Time and again, I  travelled through the cycle of addiction. I would swear off using substances for good, I would get healthy, I would gain back trust, and I would become the authentic me that everyone once knew.   Unfortunately, the happiness, peace of mind, confidence and hope that my family would experience would quickly be gone when I relapsed. Once again, they would be left with an overwhelming sense of powerlessness. The cycle would continue until, eventually, I sought out help from an addiction treatment facilitator, and my family was able to implement what they had learned from addiction specialists who taught a Family Program about addiction. The proven methods they had learned gave them a new way to live and detach from their dysfunction.

1. Educating yourself about addiction will improve your understanding of how substance use affects the brain and body. Addicted people become selfish and self-centred. The emotional rollercoaster they are on causes them to act out in ways they would never do when sober.   Every family member I have spoken with describes their loved one as a caring, dedicated, hard-working, intelligent, funny human being when they are not using drugs and alcohol. Chronic use causes the brain to create new neural pathways dedicated to the rewards that substance use produces. In short, the brain completely changes, which is why the person you once knew becomes a stranger. Many family members can get stuck in fear, and in turn, they enable the person with an addiction, which can actually make an already dysfunctional relationship even more maladjusted. There is no shame if you have been in this situation; we all want to help the person struggling with addiction, and the choices we make to help the struggling individual come from a place of love. Although the choices come from a place of love, the family members ‘ choices sometimes are made out of desperation, fear, and guilt, and usually create more frustration. What you want to do is begin to change your perspective on the person. Looking at the person as having a disease will allow you to detach yourself from the behaviours and attach yourself to a proven method of addiction treatment. Because this disease affects the whole family, choosing a program that provides appropriate services is critical. A family Program can give you all the education, tools, and support that you will need to help you make positive choices about how to deal with the individual before attending a drug rehab program and during.

2. Dressing the person about the issues at hand from an empathetic place will open up a much healthier platform for communication.   Addressing the problem calmly will yield better results than blaming the person for their behaviour. This can be hard to do, as it’s a very sensitive situation. Thus, in many cases, a professional interventionist is brought in to help.   In my experience, most people could use some adjustments in how they express themselves in emotional situations. Sharing your feelings about the impact of your loved one’s use and focusing on how you feel about the way the relationship has changed will be better received and lessen the chances of a defensive response.   When dealing with such sensitive topics, it is easy to get emotional and speak irrationally. Speaking empathetically from a place of love and support will allow the individual to express their feelings and fears. This will allow you to share how you truly feel about what the disease is causing you to experience. Sharing your worries and sadness about how you miss the way your relationship used to be and how much you yearn to have that back is very impactful, and deep down, that is precisely what the person struggling wants, too.

3. Boundary setting can be a difficult thing to do. Family members want to do everything in their power to get back to their loved one. Unfortunately, this usually causes more problems. Family members tend to enable, are not able to say no, get guilted into doing things they don’t want to do, and put their needs aside, which creates more anger and frustration. Setting healthy boundaries is not done to give the addicted person consequences. Creating consequences is usually seen as punishment, and for most people, it doesn’t work. An example of a healthy boundary is you expressing that, when your loved one is under the influence, you cannot be around them. This allows that person to now be responsible for the choices they make moving forward. Using “I statements” to express your fear and sadness when you see them under the influence will have much more impact than just saying, “If you’re loaded, you cannot be around me.”

4. Being prepared for when the addicted person has that moment of clarity is essential. You can learn about where to access withdrawal management, inpatient treatment, and outpatient treatment by contacting your local Addiction Services Agency. The more options you have prepared, the more likely you are to be able to take action immediately and help them receive the proper addiction treatment they need. There is no one-size-fits-all. Each person’s recovery is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. Finding a place that specializes in individual treatment planning and utilizes evidence-based methods is highly recommended.

5. The physical, mental, emotional, and financial toll addiction has on the entire family is often put aside. The focus is on helping the individual struggling with addiction. The reality is that if you are not healthy, your ability to help that person becomes nearly impossible when they are resistant to choosing an addiction treatment program. Your health and sanity are just as crucial as your efforts to help that person who is struggling. Family members can become so assiduous with that person that they forget their own health is just as important. Ensuring that you are eating well, getting enough sleep, and talking with people who can provide support for you is essential. Al-Anon is a long-standing group where you can meet people who understand what you’re going through and can share their experience. Attending professional counselling with a qualified addiction specialist is also a great option to learn some new ways to help yourself, which in turn will help your loved one who is struggling.

Watching a loved one struggle with addiction is one of the hardest things you can experience. The good news is that you do not need to do it alone. Ask for help today and start the recovery process.