As a 6-year-old child I was sexually abused. Soon after the molestation I was questioned about this abuse by my mother. My naïve pre-adolescent mind thinking I had done some something wrong, the first reaction to that fear of being questioned was to lie, so I did and said “nothing happened”. This lie triggered the onset of what would become a deeply embedded psychological disturbance rooted in toxic embarrassment and shame, and those feelings would follow me for the rest of my life.
Combining this psychological disturbance from the sexual abuse, with a genetic predisposition to alcohol and drug use disorder, and a widely adhered to cultural belief of the time that men don’t talk about feelings, brought together all the biopsychosocial ingredients to a recipe for disaster.